On the outside, I was strong, happy, passionate, sexy.
On the inside, vaginismus made me feel like I was not a woman at all.
My shameful secret made me deeply depressed.
Would I never have a healthy relationship?
About Petek
Petek Tatlı Müller is an MSc Engineer, a certified Yoga and Meditation Instructor and an ICF certified Mindfulness Coach.
She has been teaching Yoga and Meditation in Turkey and Thailand for eight years before the pandemic; now, she teaches online.
She is from Turkey. She has been practicing meditation since 2009 and attended vipassana retreats, one of the most ancient techniques of meditation, and the Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy-8 week Program directed by David Cornwell.
She is passionate about coaching & supporting women with vaginismus to raise awareness of this condition and continue their healing journey consistently with the help of doctors before they lose any more time living in silence so they can have pain-free penetration and feel more confident, empowered.
I first discovered vaginismus in my mid-twenties.
And it took me 6 whole years to take action.
I struggled with vaginismus for 10 years after I could even name the condition.
I was in my early twenties when I first realized that vaginismus could be the cause of my inability to have sexual intercourse.
I felt like a failure at every penetration attempt.
Each time was strengthening my belief that sex was impossible for me, so I stopped trying.
At first, I assumed I would overcome the condition naturally after I found true love.
But subconsciously kept choosing men I was not sexually attracted to, so I didn’t have to deal with it.
My friends were all sexually active, which left me feeling like I didn’t belong.
I couldn’t let them into my secret (what was wrong with me?), so I pretended that everything was fine.
The easiest thing to do was to just not think about it. I avoided sex altogether, and that worked as a short-term bandaid.
This short-term solution cost me 6 of my most vital years.
Then I turned 30.
It was on my birthday that I realized that THIS WAS NOT OK.
It was not OK to not take action, wish to wake up one day and be vaginismus-free.
That’s when I started looking for solutions.
Four years later, I was HEALED from it.
From the moment I realized what I had until I was free from it, ten years had gone by.
TEN YEARS of…
… ups and downs in my emotional state.
… really low lows in my mood.
… wishing I could disappear.
… wishing I had never been born.
… feeling hopeless about the future.
… being tired of keeping this secret.
… feeling alienated whenever someone called me a “woman.”
… feeling like a constant failure.
Ten years of being ashamed of being me.
When I look back, what I needed most was support.
For me, keeping that big secret weighed so heavily on my mental state, and it was a huge barrier in my path.
That barrier kept me from having a family or a healthy relationship or even healthy sex life.
Once I solved it, life completely changed.
I am now in the healthiest relationship of my life.
Now, whenever I listen to a story of a woman with vaginismus, I can deeply relate to what she’s struggling with, how she is feeling, what kind of thoughts and fears are going on in her life at the moment.
And you know what? YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I want to support you in believing in yourself that you can do this and dissolve your limiting beliefs in your healing journey.
Nobody has to live with vaginismus for years...
What's stopping you from taking action and being consistent in your healing journey?
You are NOT ALONE! I’d love to connect and hear from you…
